A common complaint among pedestrians here is the danger of traffic on city streets. Taxi drivers in large metropolitan areas, such as Buenos Aires, weaving around cars at high speeds like their life long dream was to be a race car driver on the F1 Circuit. Bus drivers who yield for no one, pedestrians and cars alike, and round tight corners so fast that passengers feel the terrifying effects of g-force and inertia. Bicyclists pedaling the wrong direction down a one way street and crashing into pedestrians who think that they only have to look one way before crossing. It can be dangerous out there and you really have to keep your eyes and ears open at all times. However, I think it is about time to discuss the other side of the problem. Yes, how us drivers have to keep our foot hovering above the brake at all times because of idiot pedestrians out there who are not only a danger to themselves but to us as well. Here are the worst offenders.
9. Steven Seagal
These are rare, but hands down, the most annoying. Before crossing, they quickly judge to see whether or not you are at safe distance for evasion braking. Eye contact is made, then they proceed to look ahead with a slight grin on their faces while crossing at an ever so leisurely pace. In their eyes, they own the road, not you.
8. Tennis Ball Boy
These delusional soon-to-be Darwinian failures are aware of the oncoming cars yet still try to make a quick dash to the other side. After a few steps they suddenly release an err in judgment and dash back to the safe confines of the originating curb. On some occasions, however, they’ll just say to hell with it and reach their goal.
7. Parade Horses
You know those parade horses fitted with blinds that block their peripheral vision? There are people like that! Except one thing, these people don’t wear blinds. They walk out of store, and while staring ahead, will proceed to cross the street without so much as a side glance. For some reason they forget that cars and streets go together.
6. Confused
These are the people at crosswalks who think that a red stoplight or crosswalk signal in front of them means go. They step on the street right when the light changes and think it is safe to cross until they realize cars are are moving or heading in their direction.
5. Torpedoes
Street dogs. They lock on to a car like a submarine’s torpedo guidance system to a ship. Direction and speed are meticulously calculated in their little brains. Once optimal distance between the two is achieved, fifi fires away at your port side while barking furiously. Luckily, cars are superior, and although man’s best friend spins around to continue the chase, they ultimately fail. Some do manage to get a scratch or two in.
4. Careless
Here we have another intersection group but they are only found where crosswalk signals do not exist. They look at the stoplight perpendicular to them, see the cars waiting and think it is ok to cross. Not knowing that the light will turn green right when they are a few steps off the curb. But they’ll continue to cross without a care in the world and we in cars will have to wait.
3. Friends & Family
Groups of two or more people who have lively conversations and forget that they are about to cross a street that may have traffic. If they are lucky, they’ll have a spotter who notices us drivers and then quickly gives warning shouts or slaps to the group.
2. The Confident
Another intersection dweller, this person sees the light turn red and is confident that the oncoming cars will stop. Even if the road is slick with ice, they have faith that no slipping or sliding will occur.
1. Deer
Similar to the Tennis Ball Boy, yet they forget that streets are dangerous and fail to turn their head even one degree toward oncoming traffic before crossing. They appear to just pop out from nowhere, typically from the front or rear of large vans or trucks. At times it can be amusing to see the expression on their face, “Oh shit I’m in the middle of the street and cars are heading my way, FAST!” Followed by a quick “which way do I go” dance and back to the curb they go. These are the most dangerous and ones you seriously have to look out for at all times.
